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Monday, December 20th, 2004

Time:8:48 pm.
Mood: indescribable.
My eyes hurt… Damn light! I have my Halloween pumpkin on again. The light from it doesn’t bother my eyes as much… Although even it bothers me at times as well. UGH! Wouldn’t it be neat if one could just pop their eyes out and let them soak in nice warm water as to let them rest for a bit. Then all one would do next is pop them back in and we’re ready to go again. I wonder if it would do any good. Would be interesting I guess…

Let’s see… Mom made some fudge last night. It was yummy! Although her first batch didn’t turn out very well, the rest turned out great. She was happy about that. Tonight she’s making banana nut bread… YAY! I love banana nut bread. I also love the smell of it as it bakes in the oven too. OOOO Yummy! She’s also making her famous cheese balls too.

Well, I worked on my story today! Yay! I’m glad I did though, because I started to get another migraine again. Its not as bad as it was yesterday. Thank you Great Mother! Anyway, I tried to take a nap for a half an hour... It really didn't do any good--oh well.
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Subject:A day late... This was for Sunday!
Time:4:27 pm.
Mood: sick.
Let’s see part of my weekend was an icky one. Saturday wasn’t that bad… But today was hellish. A major migraine enveloped me. It royally sucked. I felt as though someone punched me in the face a bunch of times and then I felt as though I wanted to upchuck everything my belly (which wasn‘t much). And that lasted the rest of the day. I tried take a nap, but even that didn’t work out. It seemed to make it worse if that was at all possible. Oh well… Life sucks at times.

I did get to work on my story for a bit on Saturday and a bit today before the damn migraine. Yay!
Comments: Add Your Own.

Friday, December 17th, 2004

Time:9:48 pm.
Mood: blah.
Let’s see… Last night I helped mom wrap the rest of the presents up. I tried to sneak in a peek at mine… But no such luck. Oh darn it! I’m trying to be a good girl, really I am. It’s just that the dark side is beckoning to me. Ugh, I got Star Wars in my head. Darn KOTOR 2. I just love that game. No matter seemed that mine had already been wrapped… Double darn!

Out of all the presents under the tree the biggest ones are for the inside doggies. (we got them a couple of those doggie beds, large of course) I hope they like them… One has little doggie's on it and the other has like a plaid print on it.

I rewrote a few pages last night… YAY! And I worked on a few more today. I really need to update my site. I’m so behind on it. People are asking for more and I am trying. Really I am. It’s just going slow. Ugh… I just need to finish this part of the story then HTML it… Which is just SO much fun. NOT. I swear… If one doesn’t keep up on the HTML’ing one tends to forget how to do it. I learned some of it from Sil and the rest I’ve just fumbled my way through… LOL. It's a way of learning I guess. I just don’t know how to do all that fancy stuff--just the basic’s. Oh, well. Guess, I'll just keep on trucking then...
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Thursday, December 16th, 2004

Subject:Been lazy...
Time:2:39 pm.
Mood: content.
Haven’t been using it like I should I guess. Sometimes I just feel as though I don’t have anything to say. Or perhaps I’m just not used to typing out my thoughts for others… Considering that I am the sort that keeps everything all bottled up and such. Hey, I know that bottling it up isn’t good and all, but that’s just the way I am I guess. Ugh.

Anyway, here I sit trying to figure out what to type as ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ (the remake) is blaring next to me. Aw… The lovely sound of a chainsaw and the soulful screams of the poor lass as they are being chased through the darkness in search of safety. I enjoyed this movie… Although I did have my doubts when they were first making it. And R. Lee Ermey just rocked as the twisted sheriff. LOL. That whole family was just freaky…

Well, I guess I better go and get some writing in today…
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Wednesday, May 19th, 2004

Time:3:17 pm.
Mood: tired.
Let's see what's been happening in my life... Well, busting my ass at work as to get a lovely check, cleaning, packing, trying to rest. Humm, i'm also behind in doing this journal that its not funny. It either I keep forgetting that i have one or that fact that nothing important happened that day... Well, things go on, but nothing note worthy ya know?

Well, i guess i could talk about taking my babies to the vets. That's something of importance, considering that they all dislike going and it becomes a journey in itself. I mean they all like getting into the car (well, Sami can be a diva at times) and taking a ride. Its just when they hit that door or enter into the office that the fun really begins.

And we have Sami doing the scenting (but we were lucky this time as she didn't do it), which is a happy in my book. Buffy hates getting her toenails clipped. Sid just sits there... as long as there isn't any pain involved he's cool. Shaman, she can scent too.. but not very often tho. So, she's cool about it. Xena, she can be a handful too at times... but most of the time she's ok too.

And then there's me. :) One sweaty, hot, drewl covered mommy who must keep the babies calm enough to let the doc do his thing. Who also must endure their clawing, nawing and (at times) yelping. A mommy that wonders if she'll turn into a were-rottie when the next full moon rises. LOL :)

In the end, ya just gotta love them!
Comments: Add Your Own.

Sunday, April 25th, 2004

Time:8:53 pm.
Mood: complacent.
Ugh… I hate Trojan virus’. Especially ones that are linked to stupid adds that are on my favorite sites. UGH! I had three yesterday… And thank the goddess, I removed them. Drives me crazy at times. Why people wanna do crap like that... Hey have a thought and do something good and not bad. Is life that bad to send out horrid things like that?
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Monday, March 22nd, 2004

Subject:i'm pooped.
Time:8:14 pm.
Mood: tired.
Work was work. Everyone asked if i missed them... NOPE. I missed my mom and the babies. And now i miss my baby who's chillin in the beautiful weather. ;) I was sorta hyper during work... now I'm just pooped and in need of a nap. Yep... it calls to me. Slowly, i migrate towards my bed only to wish that my baby would be there to cuddle with me.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Sunday, March 21st, 2004

Subject:i'm back....
Time:7:44 pm.
Mood: good.
Well, I’m back from my vacation. It was… GREAT! The beautiful 80 degree weather… the bright sun and ocean breeze was too die for. It was SO much fun seeing the sights and spending time with my honey was just what this bard needed. :) Great goddess it was. Thank you, D. I hope ya got some sleep after work. I also hope that work went well… and all.

Great goddess, I wanna go back. I don’t wanna work at the hell mouth anymore. I heard some more stuff about what their doing at the job… I guess I'll find out Monday what all the shit is about. Oh, to hell with them. All I want is to be with my baby. I miss her. I know I’ve only been gone for a day and half… but I miss her SO much. UGH!
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, January 3rd, 2004

Time:5:26 pm.
Mood: good.
Great goddess its been a while since I last updated this. Me bad. I guess I’m due for a major spanking huh? :0 Let’s see… my holidays went well. I worked them while others did not. :( Tis okay, goes towards my vacation fund. ;) Yep, yep. Ate like a pig… received some cool gifts. More wolfie stuff! I just love wolves. Some awesome DVD’s, a movie book, cool wolf figurines, and many tools. I can now stock up my tool belt! WOO HOO!

Altho it was missing a certain someone…

Besides having fun… I was dealing with being sick… And dealing with my damn sinus’. Ugh! I hate being sick. And the icky feeling just bites. And I’m so glad that’s it gone… now I just have the sniffles here and there. And SHHHHH don’t be telling me that I still have it… Cuz, mommy doesn’t wanna know this.

Okay… onto my new year. New years eve was spent with D… I had fun--even tho I was so exhausted I enjoyed talking to YOU. It was like my first time in years that I stayed up for it. Yep, even if I had less sleep than normal my day at work that morning was a good one (insert goofy grin). Glad I did tho. ;) Too bad we couldn’t celebrate it in person… But soon right? Yep, yep. :]
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, December 9th, 2003

Time:10:07 pm.
Mood: good.
Damn, I worked my ass off at the good old hell mouth. It was just an average day… lunch was mega late… my break was late… but I hey I made it--right? Right. When will someone there get a clue? Not anytime soon--I bet.

Okay… after taking a quick stop at one of the local dollar stores only to realized that they need more cashiers there… technically they had the workers, but I guess the big line at one register didn’t warrant them to open another. Only when the clerk got a brain fart did they open another line… and only to ring out two people.

Ugh… Anyway once we got home as to unload all the stuff and ended up doing manual labor… Had to take a door down cus the damn knob broke and one couldn’t open it. Again the the UGH! And of course couldn’t find a damn screwdriver…finally had to take the whole damn door down and pry apart the knob thingy.

The only that bites was that I didn’t get to use my tool belt… Ugh.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2003

Time:7:59 pm.
Mood: good.
Don’t ya just love the holidays? Of all the times to save money… This the perfect time--NOT!
Tis okay, I will do my best to do this. In between getting last minute presents and all. Nonetheless, I will… Momma wants--no NEEDS to go on vacation and all. See D and perhaps see M, if I can. So, I guess I won’t be buying that BMW anytime soon then--huh? Hehehehehehe… :)

Onto other things… Lets see, the strange dreams of me going back school are back. Altho my dream friends may have changed a bit… it's basically the same. Can’t tell you the basics cuz I’m a ditz and don’t keep a sleep journal or sorts. Me being lazy and all--half alive as I grumble awake to another day at the hell mouth. And praying not to step on one of the babies toys that are strategically laid about. Seems they like to hear mommie mutter out a string of colorful curses on her way up the stairs. :P Oh well, and I just bought a tiny notebook that would be perfect for it… Great Goddess, I can be a spaz! Seems my subconscious was telling me something… Huh?

Now, to get my lazy butt into writing it down…
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Friday, November 21st, 2003

Subject:Finding myself...
Time:6:51 pm.
Mood: indescribable.
Work was work. And halfway through my day I had a boo boo. :( It was horrible… A cardboard box attacked the tip of my index finger. There should be a warning on them or something! Gez, all I was doing was breaking it down… :0 I guess it didn’t want to be torn apart--humm… I guess I deserved it then. Oh, my--now I’m gonna have to get therapy for it. :) Hehehehe…

Anyway, onto more serious things…

Me being off balanced. Well, part of it may be from worrying about my friends, but more so due to the fact that I’ve been off my Shamanic path for some time now. It’s not like I don’t talk to Great Mother and all… I do. It’s just that I feel that I’ve fallen into the brambles and I can’t get back onto the path. It’s a horrid feeling. Not being able to clearly hear the voices of my guardians and the Great Mother is sad indeed. For the longest time they were my friends and constant companions. And now… I feel them, but not as strong as I once did. As if a barrier is blocking them or something. My heart aches to hear muffled responds from them… And knowing full well that I once heard them as clear day. It’s beyond tragic due to the fact that it effects everything in my life…

Ugh, perhaps I’m losing focus and that’s why I can’t hear them. Or perhaps their mad at me for falling off the path so many winters ago. I’ve asked for the Great Mother’s forgiveness. I am after all a mere human and all. And I hear her forgiveness, but still… Her love still surrounds me by the gifts she’s bestowed on me (my babies) and I cherish them beyond belief. She knows this. I feel her within my very soul. But at times I also feel a dull ache… Or as if I’m missing something.

I miss my shaman teacher and bud who helped me focus on the path that I‘ve unknowingly been on since the beginning. It was so easy back then… Now it’s like racing up a steep hill overgrown with thorny vegetation that tears at your flesh and ultimately slows you down. Anyway, I could so use your colorful insights right about now…

Great goddess, I miss my totem friends… Dakota my wolf pal you’ve been away for so long. I miss seeing your soulful brown eyes and feeling you soft gray hair. When soon I realize that Shaman’s eyes are as soulful as yours were and the soft sable hair that covers Sami reminds me of yours. Seems you stepped back as to allow your fellow brethren the love they so needed from me. And I commend you. :) Even if your roaming FL watching over those that really need it--I still miss you. Besides, I know deep down that you’ll come around again… And perhaps you could bring the rest of gang as well? I miss them all so much.

And finally, perhaps this whole experience is test of sorts… I don’t know. But if it is I’m failing miserably and that is tragic as well. I don’t want to fail and lose myself in the process. No way, that would be a sad day indeed. And perhaps the Great Mother will see my plight and send forth another teacher for this lost shaman of hers…
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, November 11th, 2003

Subject:On a coast somewhere...
Time:9:06 pm.
Mood: cynical.
I felt so out of it last night. My sinus’ were all messed up and my head… well it was throbbing like hell. So, I went to bed early… and woke up refreshed. WOO HOO! I was in good mood all day considering… that I work with morons. I swear there are too many chiefs and not enough Indians.

Nonetheless I continued with my job with a sly smirk on my face and my mind on a coast somewhere. Cuz, this don’t mean shit. It’s a just a stupid job that makes a little bit of money--right? Right. Money that I must save as go where my heart desires… a vacation, perhaps… Either way they can all blow to the wind with their holier than thou attitudes. But not before shoving this job up their asses! But I’m not bitter… nope. Not at all. And I still have this smirk on my face as my mind is on a coast somewhere.

And D I’m totally not mad at ya. .. No worries there. I’m just sorry that I couldn’t amuse ya.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, November 8th, 2003

Subject:Oh, my...
Time:3:27 am.
Mood: groggy.
I know it’s way past my bedtime, but I’m having fun chilling with my bud. Anyway, I’m giddy from seeing Sarah Mclachlan’s latest music video… yummy! I just love her song ‘fallen’.

Okay, my day was an alright one… about time… one needs those kind of days. Too many of the others would drive one insane with violence. The weekend is finally here and I’m gonna work on my stories… need to--so behind. Almost through with my assassin story tho… YAY!

Oh, my the weather is growing colder along with it the aches in my body grow more bolder. Kinda like the gray hair that’s shattered about my ever going mess of hair. Ah, well gives one character right? Right? Okay I’m getting a nervous twitch going on now… my body must be telling me--no screaming at me to get the hell in bed… but I try and ignore it… I wanna stay up. Unfortunately I’m experiencing some major brain farts thus seconding what my body is screaming out. Hee hee I guess I should go before I pass out on the keyboard or something…
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, November 6th, 2003

Subject:I was here...
Time:7:05 pm.
Mood: dorky.
Well, this makes another day (third I think) of waking up in a good mood. Considering that I went to sleep around 12ish… and I had to get up at 5 for work. I guess I slept like a log… I don’t remember if I dreamed or not, but oh well. Nonetheless, I had fun staying up late… :)

Work was good, considering. The only negatives I had with was that the damn latex gloves I used didn’t have much powder in them and now the back of my right hand has a rash on it… And the next, was that I was knelt down to add something to a tray as I got up I ripped the back of my pants on the corner of a stainless steel shelf. Thank the great goddess that I had my wallet in my back pocket cuz, it would’ve ripped my happy ass… and that would be bad indeed. I don’t need another scar on my ass. Nope one is enough.

Oh, I got some more pics back… a few of me in my costume… from this year and last. I had some cool shots of me and the kids… but luck wasn’t on my side and they were blurry and messed up. At least I have some more shots of Shaman and Sami when they were younger…
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, November 4th, 2003

Subject:Waking up...
Time:5:26 pm.
Mood: contemplative.
Oh my goddess! I woke in a good mood--again. And it’s strange in way considering that its been SO long since I felt this way and it’s cool beans. I kinda wonder what’s happening with me… Weird is that I haven’t been going to bed at my usual time--one would think I’d come crashing down to earth soon… or perhaps its something different. And I don’t remember any strange dreams… hell I don’t even remember dreaming. Interesting…

With that guess what I was greeted too this morning as I was putting on my shoes for work… I found a baby snake laying on my discarded clothes on the floor. It looked exactly like the five other’s I freed yesterday. I freaked! Not that I’m afraid of snakes it’s just that it was in MY room and how in the hell did it get inside. And it was the very spot that I had just walked by as I got up too… so I could’ve been bitten… Ugh! And where were my protectors? Munching on doggie biscuits they were. I then picked it up, stuck it in a garbage bag and set it free in the field just like I did the others. I then scanned my area and to my delight hadn’t found any of his buddies. Woo Hoo!!
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, November 3rd, 2003

Subject:Feeling there...
Time:10:11 pm.
Mood: mellow.
Well, I woke up in a good mood considering dealing with my DNA donor of a father. I’ll be sure to make a character in one of my stories just for him… And I’ll make sure he gets munched on real good--yep, yep. Well, I did the snake handler thing after work… my mom found them again and I helped placed them in a box and released them in the field across from us. Five babies… my bro said they looked like king snakes or something… I took some shots of them with my camera--so I could reference them later.

Well, I cleansed myself last night… Didn’t want the negativity I had over our little squabble to linger on through the night. I did my thang and I felt good. I just love the smell of Sage… And I was doing my thing Sami came over and was like totally scared of something that was standing near me. Seems an entity was present… It wasn’t negative--as far as I could remember. It was just strange seeing Sami cowering from it and laying patiently for me to finish. She wanted to come closer, but it seemed that the entity wouldn’t allow it. Interesting… It’s not like she hadn’t seen spirits before considering…
Comments: Add Your Own.

Friday, October 31st, 2003

Time:6:03 pm.
Mood: giddy.
This is like my favorite holiday of the year… Hell of a day it is!

Was a zombie this morning, cuz I stayed up late getting my costume ready for today. I waited till the last minute to make it or get it together I should say. I was a slayer/soldier gal. Had the OD cargo pants, my tan tee with an iron on with the word ‘slayer’ on the back and a Celtic like knot cross on the front, a boonie hat, a tent peg (my makeshift stake), a military vest, my combat boots, and finally camo paint for my face. I looked okay… for a quick costume--ya know? Considering we couldn’t dress in a scary costume… (or i would've dressed as Micheal Myers)

Anyhow… Well, there was a contest for best costume and guess what? I won second place… Weird. There were two others who looked better than mine… but hey, I never won costume contest before. Coolies for me huh?
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, October 27th, 2003

Subject:What a weekend...
Time:3:30 pm.
Mood: uncomfortable.
First off it's getting cold outside. I detest the cold... but hey that's what i get for living in Missouri, right? Oh, well. Next was the damn vacuum cleaner... I was gonna do the homemaker thingy this weekend and do the floors--but that was shot to hell considering that the damn thing went crazy and was like roaring out in a horrible way. Kinda like it had been attacked by Leatherface or something... at least i did the laundry. Woo hoo!

Onto the next rant... my dreams. I had the strangest and messed up ones last night. I was surrounded by darkness... a being or entity was like hoarding around me. Leading me somewhere--somewhere I didn't want to go. I couldn't do anything, but follow. I didn't like the feeling at all. Not one bit. It felt bad... negative. I tried to control my dreams, but it was to no avail. Hell I don't even know if they were dreams... perhaps they were visions. But whatever they were I'd suddenly awake with a start. My heart racing and brow covered in sweat. Being that I was tired and all I closed my eyes again and start to drift off when I was there again with it. It seemed to be getting worse each time I close my eyes... finally I had to turn the TV on and I finally passed out from exhaustion. Strange...

And finally... our internet connection is spazing... i'll be lucky if i can even post this tonight, UGH!!!!
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, October 20th, 2003

Subject:Strange dreams...
Time:7:59 pm.
Mood: thoughtful.
My, my, my... I've been having some weird/strange dreams as of to date. The details are fuzzy, considering that I'm a ditz and don't write this stuff down just as I get up... but what can one do at freaking 5am in the morning. I'm barely there as it is. :) Anyway I’ve been having dreams about going to school again... and or working in a school.... it changes here and there.... but it's me in school. And get this my honey (one I’ve never seen before) works there and or goes there... but she's there. And I'm having fun there (HA... school really wasn't my cup of tea...) but I was and it's just strange. Perhaps I should look this dream up and find out what it really means... or am I having a premonition? Hum.... something to think about.
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