Mythe (mythe) wrote,
Mythe
mythe

  • Mood:
  • Music:

Finding myself...

Work was work. And halfway through my day I had a boo boo. :( It was horrible… A cardboard box attacked the tip of my index finger. There should be a warning on them or something! Gez, all I was doing was breaking it down… :0 I guess it didn’t want to be torn apart--humm… I guess I deserved it then. Oh, my--now I’m gonna have to get therapy for it. :) Hehehehe…

Anyway, onto more serious things…

Me being off balanced. Well, part of it may be from worrying about my friends, but more so due to the fact that I’ve been off my Shamanic path for some time now. It’s not like I don’t talk to Great Mother and all… I do. It’s just that I feel that I’ve fallen into the brambles and I can’t get back onto the path. It’s a horrid feeling. Not being able to clearly hear the voices of my guardians and the Great Mother is sad indeed. For the longest time they were my friends and constant companions. And now… I feel them, but not as strong as I once did. As if a barrier is blocking them or something. My heart aches to hear muffled responds from them… And knowing full well that I once heard them as clear day. It’s beyond tragic due to the fact that it effects everything in my life…

Ugh, perhaps I’m losing focus and that’s why I can’t hear them. Or perhaps their mad at me for falling off the path so many winters ago. I’ve asked for the Great Mother’s forgiveness. I am after all a mere human and all. And I hear her forgiveness, but still… Her love still surrounds me by the gifts she’s bestowed on me (my babies) and I cherish them beyond belief. She knows this. I feel her within my very soul. But at times I also feel a dull ache… Or as if I’m missing something.

I miss my shaman teacher and bud who helped me focus on the path that I‘ve unknowingly been on since the beginning. It was so easy back then… Now it’s like racing up a steep hill overgrown with thorny vegetation that tears at your flesh and ultimately slows you down. Anyway, I could so use your colorful insights right about now…

Great goddess, I miss my totem friends… Dakota my wolf pal you’ve been away for so long. I miss seeing your soulful brown eyes and feeling you soft gray hair. When soon I realize that Shaman’s eyes are as soulful as yours were and the soft sable hair that covers Sami reminds me of yours. Seems you stepped back as to allow your fellow brethren the love they so needed from me. And I commend you. :) Even if your roaming FL watching over those that really need it--I still miss you. Besides, I know deep down that you’ll come around again… And perhaps you could bring the rest of gang as well? I miss them all so much.

And finally, perhaps this whole experience is test of sorts… I don’t know. But if it is I’m failing miserably and that is tragic as well. I don’t want to fail and lose myself in the process. No way, that would be a sad day indeed. And perhaps the Great Mother will see my plight and send forth another teacher for this lost shaman of hers…
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic
  • 0 comments